The Gunman is a lot like the horrible mustache Sean Penn wears for the first 20 minutes of the movie: thin, wispy and unsuited to his face. If the Michael Bay-type, war horn sounds in the trailer weren’t enough warning of the tackiness of Pierre Morel’s latest feature, here’s my extended cautionary notice.

Penn plays John Terrier, a former U.S. marine who abandons his girlfriend Annie – Jasmine Trinca – and falls off the grid after his commander, Felix – Javier Bardem – designates him to perform the assassination of Congo’s minister of mines, as part of a company’s scheme to get mining contracts in the country. When he returns eight years later, he becomes the target of a hit squad. He must find out which of his former superiors wants him dead and why.

If your were worried about seeing your favourite Oscar-winning dramatic actor starring in a plot-less 115-minutes continuous-action-scene-blockbuster, the bad news is that this is even worse. In fact, this movie barely qualifies to belong to the action and/or drama categories. A single lonesome bullet is fired in the first hour and the total kill count of the movie is a weak 21 deaths; that number includes the people killed by the bad guys. Actually, they should probably change the name of the feature to The Man who’ll Kill You with anything but a Gun because He Used up his Ammo Shooting Covering Fire. I’d have to say the most exciting moment was when the film finally ended.

Don’t get me wrong. This could’ve been a very thrilling investigative story depicting political corruption in a developing country. Instead, two thirds of the movie is spent elaborating on the extremely awkward and predictable love triangle between Terrier, Annie and Felix. Trinca and Penn’s lack of chemistry made it difficult to believe their on-screen romance.

To be Fair, it’s hard to make characters relatable, when they have such unrealistic emotional behaviours. Am I supposed to believe this married woman would throw herself in the arms of an ex-lover who appears out of the blue, nearly 10 years after vanishing without a word? Or that she wouldn’t be shocked to learn that Terrier and Felix were covert operatives when she met them? As the only female lead, the highlights of her part consist of getting kidnapped, rescued and plowed.

All factors considered, this movie simply does not compare to any of director Pierre Morel’s previous work. I’ll admit that From Paris with Love and Taken are tough acts to follow, but The Gunman seems to have been completely deprived of Morel’s usual classic humour and sophisticated simplicity. Other than the tremendous lack of focus in the story, the pace of its development was annoyingly slow and lingering. With the exception of a gorgeous but useless surf scene, the visuals were artless, boring and saturated.

Hopefully, I won’t remember any of this in 10 years and neither will you. The Gunman will soon only be a tiny black smudge on Penn and Morel’s otherwise nearly spotless records. In the meantime, I hope you will not use your precious time and sanity on this movie. No one should ever witness such a terrible waste of talent.